The book of Tannen certainly discusses the main points of growth among young women that must be understood by mothers. Although the author further advises mothers to look into their own past experiences as young adults, many mothers still forget the fact that when they were younger, they used to think the same as their daughters do right now only at a different level. Tannen acknowledges the fact that there are several factors that contribute to the differing ideas of both mothers and daughters with regards certain points of consideration.
It could be noted that through the examination of the society that the people are actually living in right now, there really are certain elements that makes it possible for mothers and daughters have differing views in life, in growth and maturity and other issues that concerns their position and perception of human life. Considering the fact that young women before lived in a different type of society makes it possible for them to not to easily understand why the young generation of women today perceive romance, material gains and success in life as they do.
The basic moral status of the society before has also changed the trends by which people particularly choose the way that they decide upon certain issues in their lives. This is particularly the reason why mothers and daughters often engage in disagreements even over petty things. The author however, noted these differences as major hindrances of communication. She partly discussed the major pitfalls that mothers and daughters incur whenever they engage in a conversation. The said pitfalls include 12 major elemental considerations of discussion.
The roadblocks mentioned earlier could be identified to fall into three major divisions. These include judging, sending solutions, and avoiding other’s concerns. These three divisions are then subdivided into few more 12 subsections. At some point, these destructive procedures of communication at times happen when two persons are in a discussion that is involving problems or personal troubles. Because of the tension that is usually built up due to the problem being talked about, the sense of right reasoning is usually lost because of the lack of understanding that exists due to the tension.
To be able to understand everything, the twelve roadblocks should be discussed herein in a clearer pattern: • Judging o Criticizing This is the way by which a person intends to manipulate the thinking of the other person through questioning the attitudes of the other. Not only that, the situation usually aggravates the questioning of the attitude of the other towards the other person. Robert Bolton comments on the matter saying: “Many of us feel we need to be critical, or other people will never improve we make a negative evaluation of the other person, for his or her actions, or attitudes.
” (1999) The attitude of man to even aggravate the situation being faced by the other because of some emotional attachment to the issue makes this particular roadblock an effective way of stopping or heating up a particular conversation. o Name-calling At some point, when people get pissed off because of a heated conversation, they tend to course the other or at times they name-call the others with insulting titles that makes it hard for the other party of communication to understand clearly what is happening.
The result then leads to a more aggravated heated conversation. Bolton further adds, “Name calling and labeling usually have negative overtones to both the sender and receiver. Labeling prevents us from getting to know ourselves and other individuals. ” (1999) o Diagnosing At some point, when people argue over something, they become too much sensitive with how the other reacts upon a certain situation or how a person intends to talk back to them.
The sensitiveness results to diagnosis of the reaction of the other and the way of speech that he or she uses within the conversation. Instead of simply listening to what the person says, reading between the lines becomes another way of decoding the bodily message of the person who is speaking. Another comment from Bolton reads: “We analyze why a person is behaving as he or she is. Playing amateur psychiatrist. Diagnosing is a form of labeling. Instead of listening to the substance of what a person is saying, some people play emotional detective.
Praising Evaluatively Praising others with the good things that they do is not wrong. However, praising them with hidden motives of insulting them is a major roadblock in communication. Particularly, people tend to do this through disposing the message in double meaning. Whereas the evaluative praising is done to actually connote a wrong attitude of the person being talked to. This procedure of speaking is made through over-praising that is usually based on fraudulent backgrounds.