My world where most people didn’t see

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My promise is that I’m faithfully–yours.  I prayed for this opportunity.  I sat in pain watching You restore pieces of my life I thought were hopeless.  Convicted of my sins as I privately shared my inner thoughts with You.  Rather than look passed me, You loved me.  You saw my worth when others didn’t see the best in me.  You, My Lord, stopped and saw me in my misery. 

When I think about my life, I never knew how You were going to fix my situation or mend my brokenness.  I was broken and on the run just like Hagar in Genesis 16.  But in the wilderness, is where you found me and heard my cry.  I went to church, but I never knew what it truly felt like to be loved unconditionally.  I saw other people tap into this world I so desperately wanted to be apart of, but I felt constricted as if I didn’t really belong. 



Every man I thought loved me, abandoned me.  And most friend girls didn’t understand what defined genuine sisterhood.  Daily I chased the world: more money, a better title, and degrees.  Just existing.  Wandering in a world where most people didn’t see me void of the one thing I needed most—Love. I never truly experienced living where I felt genuinely loved.  But You took the time to love me back to life.  No judgment.  Just pure love.  You taught me how to be brave. Through every sordid relationship yielding disappointment, you took me in and held me close.  You spoke life when the foul prince of the air-Satan wanted me to believe his lies about…  

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Crushed spirit.

As time stood still, You didn’t care.  You remained brave for the both of us.   Each time You honored me, it brought me one step closer to believing in your magnificent grace, timeless love, and faith.  You, my Lord, gave me strength to endure long-suffering.

I can’t believe, sometimes, how much You loved me even when I was disobedient.  At times, I allowed the enemy to easily persuade me.  Especially during seasons of great loneliness.  Three or five years would go by in spouts, as I fought back years of rejection and abandonment that tormented me when Satan would show up seeking to finish smash the pieces of my already broken heart that were untouched. 

I can’t believe, sometimes, how much You loved me even when I was disobedient. 

I would give in so easily to rejection and loveless encounters. 


Each time believing, I would save myself for the one.  You know…sent by God.  But the revolving door to rejection kept reopening allowing the little girl within to crave for love even into adulthood.   Because the door that led to rejection from my past was never fully closed after my first time, that night after a game, I became pregnant on contact. 

My teenage first love was two years my senior.  He ran off shortly thereafter and married another woman he’d soon meet in basic training that summer.  That’s right.  I found out in my summer school English class preparing to graduate a year early about him rejecting me.  As several bullies thought it was funny to surround me at my desk as they disclosed the horrible news causing me to open doors to other realms I didn’t know existed: rejection, abandonment, loneliness, and shame.  From that day, I opened the window to my soul letting faith fly out and hurt move in never paying one cent towards renting my heart.

I sat at my desk cramping as I began to bleed and my teacher calling for help.  At the hospital, I could hear the doctor tell my mother I was to be placed on bedrest in hopes to stop the hemorrhaging. I didn’t understand the severity of my complications—I draw a blank tuning out the hours that happened earlier that day.  I was sixteen years old.  My little fragile body was under attack emotionally.  But, I didn’t know it at the time.  All I knew was the first man I ever loved outside of my father who died without warning rejected me.  Never saying why. 

I was now preparing to be a single mother who was facing death.  Death of being young and free.  Death spiritually.  Death emotionally.  And possibly, the death of my unborn child if the cramping and bleeding didn’t subside.


Battling faith.

Couldn’t feel God.

Couldn’t see God.


Every test I later found out was assigned with love.  No matter the level of pain. No matter how many spiritual doors it opened.   

The more God pushed.  The more I pulled away.  But what I found out was that we were better together—me and God.   I never felt a love like that. 

Faithology, as I like to call it, is where I let go and blindly believe the move of God. With my eyes covered You forced me to walk in territories unseen and unknown.   Even though I’ve never seen you physically.   Even though I’ve heard Your voice audibly countless times, I’m trusting You.  Sold out to you.   No longer will I live in fear engaging in loveless relationships. 

“I’m faithfully transforming.”

“I’m faithfully taking your hand.”  “Unashamed.”   

“I’m faithfully allowing you to lead the way.”

“I’m faithfully no longer willing to wear my past like it’s a disgraceful garment.”

“I faithfully command fear to leave! Never to return.”

As faith arrives heroically on the scene, my heart reaches to take its hand.  It seeks to change my inner core. Tugging on my heart.  I refuse to give up like I did in my past.  God, You, repeatedly showed me, grace, never throwing my past in my face.  Instead, faith willfully takes my hand gifting me restoration.  When I came face-to-face with faith, I couldn’t reject its power, its anointing, its love, It–the risen life of Jesus.  

All my life, I didn’t understand that suffering was a huge component of faith.  Everything I’d been through up to this point, transformed my life.  Every tear-jerking challenge.  Every surprising heartbreak I was unprepared to handle.  Every rejection smiling in my face preying I would settle to take back my Ex–rejection.  Every sinful act performed in secret vowing I would never do it again.

Just when I think there is no way out of a dreadful situation.  While the winds from a fierce storm urge blows every piece of stained past in my face covered in shame for the world to see, You, Enteral One never let me down.  You showed up and delivered me. 

Luke 7:11-17 talks about a widow woman who has lost her only son.  It’s not by accident that Jesus performs this supernatural miracle not too far from His hometown as a child, Nazareth, and not too far from the district of Capernaum, where He heals the centurion’s servant.  This location and timing were imperative to Jesus’ ministry in terms of producing more followers and turning more non-believers into believers.

Jesus wants to perform a supernatural miracle for you.  But you must ask yourself, “What can I do today that will increase my faith?”  Because When Christ arrives on the scene, He’s looking for someone with radical faith who will not waste the miracle they will receive. 

Faith is what produces a radical miracle like the baby Jesus.  And because Mary understood the importance of her gift, she protected it at all cost.  But sadly, I didn’t fully understand the magnitude of my gift, then.  And when you don’t understand the value of something, you tend to take it for granted.

I often think about this widow woman. In my mind, she exhibited real concerns just like me or you.  The scripture doesn’t talk about her level of faith, but I can only imagine her plight.  God knows our every need.  He sees everything we’re going through.  Nothing surprises Him.  Every situation I saw as a burden, God saw as a test.  He was building my faith through crises. 

Everything around the Widow Women that was meaningful died.  And because of her losses, she finds herself in a difficult situation.  Yet, Jesus finds compassion for her upon seeing her. 

Are you in a season where your faith is being tested? 

Are certain things around you dying? 

Are you constantly questioning God concerning your brokenness?

If you’ve answered yes to these questions, then you’re one step closer to receiving your breakthrough.  That’s right!  Because your miracle comes after the test.  But first, God wants to test your faith.  Just like the widow, her tears showed her vulnerability causing God to move quickly on her behalf.

The losing of her son was an economic hit in her house.  She had no other means of support.  Some of you right now, who are reading this book has no other means of support.  You’re trying to figure out how are you going to make due.  You’re constantly asking yourself what can you do to support your family?  Where is your miracle?  Like the widow, you need a sudden visitation by God.

If the truth is told, you’re longing to receive one touch from the Master.  Because let’s be honest, one touch from Him can drastically change your entire situation.  When I take a closer look at verses 13-15 in Luke, it talks about Jesus showing compassion for this woman.  When the Lord saw her, He had compassion for her, and said to her, “Don’t Cry.”  He came near and touched the coffin, and the bearers stood still.  He said, ‘”…young man, I tell you, arise!”‘  He who was dead sat up and began to speak.  And he gave him to his mother.”

So, what does this tell me?  It tells me that Jesus is honorable and is compassionate.  Jesus understood His ministry and purpose assignment.  He didn’t waste time overlooking this woman who is broken and grief-stricken.  Instead, He immediately reaches out to render a long-term solution to her problem.

Remember, this woman is dealing with bereavement.  And because she’s dealing with a great loss that has cast darkness in her life, she’s in a lowly state that only He can heal.  When Jesus told the widow woman to stop crying, that was an indication that He had a solution to her problem.  He thought enough of her to pay her a visitation.  Some of you are crying right now and doubtful about your future.

As I read and study this text, it amazes me how Jesus spoke directly to the dead body and the boy responded, suddenly.  I want to ask you right now.  What are you prophesying over your dead situation?  Remember, your tongue can speak life or death because your words are powerful.  So, whatever seeds of faith you’re cultivating in your heart, make sure they are seeds you can later harvest because your faith is saturated with God’s love.

Fertilization Process

You must go through a fertilization process.  Luke 1:41-45 (NIV) explains that “When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit.  In a loud voice, she exclaimed: “Blessed are you among woman, and blessed is the child you will bear!  But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?”  Verses 44-45 go on to say, “As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy.  Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!”  What is the scripture saying… have FAITH!  You must believe that God’s words are spoken over your life will not fall to the ground no matter how radical it may sound.

If God said it, it shall come to pass.  No ifs, no ands, no buts.  Luke 1:19 (NIV) reveals that “Zechariah asked the Angel, How can I be sure of this?  I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.  The angel said to him, “I am Gabriel.  I stand in the presence of God.”   When God shows up and starts to bombard heaven, your situation starts to change.  Zechariah lacked faith, but God seeks those who are willing to trust Him even if your situation doesn’t make sense.  When you allow God to bare your pain, He will show you how to walk out your process with boldness and grace.  Not only will He release boldness and grace, He will answer your prayers because you were willing to get silent, activate your faith through warfare, and strategic prayer points.

Often, God must quiet you, so you don’t abort your purpose during the incubation stage as He works.  He doesn’t want you to prematurely terminate His purpose for your life.  God can’t run the risk of you interrupting His plan for your life with negative talk, self-doubt, guilt, fear, or shame.

As you’re in the nesting process preparing for birth, rid yourself of outdated habits and things that no longer serve a purpose for where God is taking you.  In other words, an approved car seat from 1995 is no longer applicable for 2018.  No hospital in the United States will allow you to leave their vicinity without the proper regulated or up-to-date car device. 

Nesting Process

To birth purpose, I repeat: you must increase your faith and you do it through what I call faithology.  Faithology is the study of and belief in God’s Word.  The Living Word is all you need as evidence.  If God said it, it is so.  Because He is the God of miracles.

When you’re carrying purpose even during your rebuilding season, you might undergo a nesting process.  Like me.  Sitting home.  Awaiting God’s next signal.  The nesting process helps you prepare for the arrival of your new miracle.  If you feel a burst of energy, this is a signal alerting you that your purpose is closer than you think.  Don’t doubt God as He reassures you that everything is right on schedule.  This stage, the nesting process, is necessary as faith kicks into overdrive.  When you feel intense pressure in places you’ve never felt pain and your emotions start to run high, that’s God telling you you’re nearing your due date. 

I want to give birth to a healthy baby.  Don’t you?  For your baby to leap, you must provide it with the proper supplements and stimulation.  When your baby leaps, it moves or response with a quickness.  It a sudden movement or action.  Move quickly!  Get in position.  Your miracle is almost here.  You must prepare for its arrival.

For those of you who are stagnated feed your spirit with the word of God.  Stop feeding your spirit with other people’s dreams.  Read your Bible, exercise more, become a lifelong learner of new things and concepts.  Learn new strategies.

Elizabeth was so happy when she heard Mary’s greeting.  So, I ask the questions.  Are you connecting, partnering, or networking with someone that will cause your baby to leap?  What books or magazines are you reading?  What videos, webinars, audios are you listening too that’s stimulating your baby’s growth and development?  What church, liked-minded community on social media or onsite groups are you apart of that’s feeding your mind, body and spirit?  Who’s coaching you to the next level?  Who’s praying, interceding, and listening to your needs as you’re running around preparing for the arrival of your miracle?

We each need a supportive community to birth purpose.  Who’s in your tribe, your supportive community or people who positively cheer you on, speak life and provide wisdom so your purpose can continuously grow without you running the risk of miscarrying.  Remember: you’re destined for greatness!

According to Luke 1:42, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child (purpose) you will bear.”  When you’re blessed, you’re favored.  Yes.  You’re favored by God.  Get in position!  Send out your invitations.  Pronounce your miracle to the world.  Smile with an overwhelming heap of happiness because you’re getting ready to prosper.

Mary was getting ready to birth a child who would change the world.  She was bearing this gift unto the world.  She was an influencer and didn’t know it.  Are you ready to shape the world?  Because birthing purpose makes you an influencer too.

Categories: Emotions


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