Success desk, and (this is important) fold
Success at Failing to Succeed at Failing to Succeed at Failure
Pay attention! Read, listen and learn from the master. Failure, as an objective, is much like meditation in that is so simple that
one has the tendency to make it overly complicated. Relax and observe a seasoned pros step-by-step blueprint for failing
First one must establish the right relationship with ones teacher. This can be achieved in several ways and in many different
situations beginning with the in-class attitude. Arrive late or not at all. This will present your teacher with a glaring depiction of
your attitude toward his or her class. Take a seat at the back of the classroom, put your feet up on your desk, and (this is
important) fold your arms. This type of closed body language shows that you are totally unwilling to learn.
In the event that your teacher singles you out for one-on-one communication, be prepared. What follows is a list of phrases
guaranteed to lower your teachers opinion of you:
Sir, what are ya talkin about?
Sir, can I borrow your book, pen, paper and imagination?
With your demeanor now well in check, we can focus on your work ethic. As a general rule, the most efficient way to fail any
course is to abstain from meeting the course work requirements. In this case, however, the more you flaunt your sloth, the
better your chances become of succeeding at failure. Draw attention to yourself with questions like:
Sir, what does n-a-r-r-a-t-i-o-n mean?
The religious practice of these simple steps should land you a big, juicy UTE (Unable to Evaluate) on your next progress
report. There are, of course, always deviations from the norm. For instance, your teacher may be grossly incompetent and-
perhaps feeling guilty for not knowing your name after 3 months – decide to pass you with a D. This calls for drastic action.
Arson is a time-tested method for making people very angry with you. Simply set a torch to your teachers home, car, mother
or favorite red pen, and youre bound to leave school with the lowest mark in recorded history. You will, of course, be in
prison shortly thereafter where impressing your teacher (warden) with your laziness will become much more of a challenge.
From here on in, youre on your own.