Divorce involves restructuring of the family where parents separate. When people get married, they get children in the union and who are under the care of both parents. Divorce causes emotional and psychological strain among the parents. The process of divorce is very involving and parents end up as opponents and seek to be independent (Roderick 6).
After divorce the parents reside in different houses and have to settle with the other about the custody of children. In most cases the children remain in custody of the mother. Although some people believe that parents absorb the major effects of divorce, I believe that divorce has a big effect on children than parents.
Discussion on how effects of divorce on children are more than effects on the parents
According to Friedman (17), when parents divorce the family members are affected. The children as well as the parents have to adjust to changes and may take up to two years to settle down.
They often have emotions that are triggered by the divorce. In cases where children exposed and saw the parents engage in conflict, children find it more comfortable to live with a single parent and be not see the parents engage in quarrels.
On the other hand, some parents keep their differences secret from the children. When they divorce, such children usually have a harder time to cope with the change than children who knew their parents differences. Therefore parents can live in a marriage for the sake of the children.
Children encounter difficulty
Children from divorced families portray differences from those who grow up in stable families. Divorce affects children’s social life because some have difficulties relating with other members of society when compared with the others.
Roderick (pg 8), argues that some children from the divorced families may learn skill of copping with difficulties and therefore may end with less problems than those from non divorced families.
The recovery from divorce of the children is depended on the pace of the parent to pull through the difficult times. As Wilson (pg 10) argues, in cases where parents recover quickly, the children were able to cope with changes while those parents who took long to overcome challenges posed by divorce, their children continued manifesting problems like regression.
Unprepared to deal with change
Young children find it unbearable to deal with divorce of the parents because at their age they have not learnt how to muddle through changes and are thereby not fully ready to handle separation of one of the parents. Most often, boys have a harder time than girls when parents divorce.
When they develop problems, the divorced wife poorly manages the son’s problems and may liken him with the father besides having her own problems. The problem may include the fact that they had a relationship with the father which is no longer present.
Children are affected by the separation of parents. O’Neill (Para 2) reveals that the father figure or the mother figure is important to children. They lose the connection and some support they got from the parent.
Loss of one parent
Children end up spending limited time with parents. The divorce makes the children live with one parent and may see the other parent at another time. This makes them fail to experience the love and care of the parent who is away. The parents may enter into other relationships where they have to spend some time with the new found partner. The child does not fully enjoy the company of both parents as the parents may be committed to other relationships.
Failure in effective parenting
Some parents change their style of parenting after divorce as Hughes (Para11) mentions. They abandon some practices that would have benefited the child positively. For instance parents may fail to assist in home work since they relocated due to the divorce. The abandonment of the practices affects the child more than the parent because the child needs quality parenting which they are denied.
Children are largely affected by the process of divorce where both parents are adverse enemies. They are affected more than the parent when the two parents extend the fights in court about who is to provide care for the children. The child changes in the way they handle situations and may become irritated easily.
They may become criminals and at times attempt to take their life. They may also deliberately neglect authority and at time run away from their home. In some cases children feel insecure and uncertainty about their future.
Children suffer when the parents involve them in the divorce cases. Because parents need someone to confide in, some parents end up discussing their problems with the child. The child gets hurt when they become awre of their parents antagonism towards each other. They get feeling of helplessness since they both parents are important to them.
Roderick (Pg 14) supports the claim then process of divorce is traumatizing to the children. For this reason single parents living without divorce are viewed as healthier than families that are conflicting. Moreover, children love to live in a peaceful family rather than a family with violence.
Children have more problems than parents when affected by changes in economic support. Divorced parents may have economic challenges as suggested by most of the authors. Due to inadequate finances following divorce, the single mother of father may relocate and the children change the school they attend as a consequence (O’Neill 16).
Children lose relationships and friendships that are already and may be required have difficulties copping in the new environment. They may also change their lifestyle due to economic constrains.
Children are psychologically affected by divorce. The memories of a good family, when the conflict began and became worse, the divorce process and later the experiences after the divorce remain in the child brain.
Another experience that remains to distress children with divorced parents is the movement from one parent’s residence to the other. Such children suffer because they consider that if the situation would change they would have one home (Friedman 27)
Divorce is stressful and not pleasant. The parents may understand and be willing to go through some changes as a result of the divorce. Children suffer more than the parents because they are neither prepared nor do they understand why they should put up with some changes. The encounter is more unbearable when the parent marries again and divorces again.
Change in organization of family
Some divorces causes greater loses of relationship with extended family members as well as the organization of a family (Wilson pg 9). The child may lose conduct with the other parents kinsmen like lovely grandparents and only meet them less frequently. During annual parties like a birthday, the child may feel the loss of important members of the extended family and the absence of one parent.
Children are affected by divorce more than parents because it has negative impact on the child’s maturity. Considerations made when parents choose to divorce do not include the feelings and opinions of the children. Thus children are forced into separating without being involved. Tension increases when one parent influences the child to side with one parent.
Friedman (Pg 15) notes that both parents should be committed to follow the progress of their child both in education and in social life. Additionally, parents can make efforts to see their children most often as the children need the figure and emotional support from both parents. Furthermore, parents can also consider staying in the marriage for the sake of the children. This is because children suffer even more than the parents for due to the divorce.
The effects of divorce cannot be under estimated because children are affected more than their parents. Based on the words of Wilson (pg 1) we can learn that children of divorced parents are affected by the loss of one parent, financial changes that cause change of lifestyle and relocation.
They are affected emotionally and psychologically and may end up with low self esteem and a feeling of helplessness. In addition, stress and memories concerning the divorce remain high among the children and hence they are affected more than the parents.
Friedman, Debra. Towards a structure of indifference: the social origins of maternal
Custody. New York: A. de Gruyter, c1994.
O’Neill, William. Divorce in the progressive era. New York, New Viewpoints, 1973
Roderick, Phillips. Putting asunder: a history of divorce in western society. Cambridge; New York: Cambridge University Press, 1988.
Wilson, Mike. Divorce. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, c2009