A disappointment sets in for the kill. Disappointment

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A promise is a promise, right?  And God is the best promise keeper ever.  But how good are you at keeping your promises with God.   When I think about all the promises God has mapped out in the Bible that I fail to tap into daily because I’m fearful or still recovering from some type of hurt, I play a major role in hindering the manifestations of God.   

I can rehash countless times where I failed to keep my promises over the years.   But isn’t it ironic, that we always expect God to keep His promise, but we never fully keep ours?  And what’s happened time and time again is that we trick ourselves into believing that we still have time to make-up with Him, when tomorrow is not promised. 

I can’t afford to walk in doubt or continuously make promises that I know I am not willing to keep.  Becoming accountable for my actions and consciously walking closer to God is not an option.   Keeping my promises to God shouldn’t feel laborious, but, instead, be acts of honor and gratefulness.

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 If I fail to appropriately tap into the goodness of God, it’s not anyone else’s fault.  Nor, is it the fault of the enemy.  Yes, Satan seeks whom he may devour, but I must learn to take responsibly for my own actions.   And starting with keeping my promises with God all the time is essential to righteous and abundant living.   

One of the greatest lies the enemy wants me or you to believe is that God intends for us to walk around broken when disappointment sets in for the kill.  Disappointment can rise from an assortment of reasons: broken engagement or relationship, failed marriage, health crisis, or a million unfinished to-dos. Whatever the case maybe that you feel broken, never be ashamed to pursue God.  He’ll give you rest.  That’s one of His promises.  He sees your needs and He will honor His promise.  

Our Savior is just waiting for you to realize your greatness, so He can fulfill greater works within you.  He desires to elevate your faith.  But the key to unlocking His vault of heavenly promises is that I had to learn to let go of all the broken pieces that I’ve collected over the years walking around inconspicuously cherishing.  Why didn’t anyone tell me I had latched hold of shame with such a stronghold?   I often think about all the people I had in my life over the years, but none of them were willing to empower me or help me confront the lies of Satan.  Instead, I walked around wearing shame like a badge of honor.  And the moment I became aware of the foul role shame was playing in my life and how it was withholding the skeleton key that locked away all God’s promises, I became hungry to surrender.  And even when I didn’t feel as if I deserved grace after all my broken promises, my Father reintroduce me to forgiveness. 

Honoring God all starts with glorifying Him.  That’s right!  Let that simple statement rest upon your heart for a few minutes. 

Slow down.  Relax.  Let Christ comfort you.  Don’t you know it’s not God’s will for you to live in strife and disgrace?  But it is His will that we pursue His heart like David and grow closer to His Son, Jesus.  And the closer I grow and keep my promises He sees that he can trust me completely opening another door to manifesting a miracle.  And no miracle, no act of forgiveness is too big for our Father.

The more I grow in Christ, the more I marvel at me growing into a confident woman, mother, sister-friend, prophetess and entrepreneur after God’s self-sacrificing heart.  I want to honor God with my words and actions.  Not act impulsively because I revert to the familiar—fear and worry. 

Must I remind you that God is patient.  He’s slow in keeping His promise, not forgetful.  He’s a faithful Father to those who are faithful to Him.  Remember, God is not the author of confusion. Satan is.  So, get excited.  Your new season is here.  And He’s equipping you with everything you’ll need so you won’t perish but remain in a posture of thanksgiving.  That’s the true reason for your pain.  It’s not to hurt you, but to help you remember all the promises you have made Him, and He has made you.  

It’s His job to inspire you to live better and think differently.  I know, and you know, we can’t remain the same.  Our Lord and Savior will not tolerate disobedience from those He love.  It’s not my job to question why I was chosen to honor such a gift, but it is my job to fulfill God’s purpose for my life.  There were days I didn’t feel like being test or face stiff consequences for not honoring my gift or promise.   But God’s desire for me was greater than I could have ever imagine, and it didn’t constitute much room for murmuring negative self-talk and yielding to my fears…

“If only I had listened more…If only I had kept my promises…If only I had obeyed God…”

As crazy as this may sound.

God’s timetable is not the same as ours. 

And unfortunately, we don’t always beckon to wisdom or move as quickly as He would hope until there is a major storm upon us.  During a severe storm, God isn’t looking for you to work.  He’s seeking to give you shelter.  Another promise.  The purpose of my three neurological onsets wasn’t an accident.  It was God’s divine protection from a potentially larger storm.  The storm forced me to answer God’s Big Call, and it required me to keep my promise that I would fulfill the promise unashamed. 

So, He used brokenness as a spiritual consequence to grab my attention

…that caused me to submit.

…to honor my promise.

Me keeping my promise to God was way more important than my brokenness.  Think about it.  God gave me years to answer my call and to honor His gift without rebuke.  He didn’t want to inflict sickness upon me.  That choice was mine because I was selfish and unyielding to the Holy Spirit.  Be honest.  I lacked true spiritual insight.  And you do too if you’re looking at your situation as a punishment when you honestly know you haven’t kept your promises either.

Brokenness is when you say you believe God can do the impossible, yet, you’re always allowing your emotions to get the best of you.  The more you think about what everyone else is doing, the more you allow Satan to play with your mind.  Next thing you know, you find yourself waddling in negative thinking because you fail to get serious about your walk with the Lord.  When God is the head of your life, He strengthens you.  He boldly and confidently shows you how to overcome the spirit of brokenness that has you recounting or worrying about your life.  Instead of pressing your way, you spend critical time complaining or trying to fix the situation on your own.

This might be a far stretch, but I’m willing to go on record saying that nobody likes feeling broken which opens the door to rejection.   No matter your age, the little girl deep within seeks a Father who is good, abundant in love…not just some of the time, but all the time.  She’s seeks the One who knows how to be faithful in keeping all His promises.   A consistent Father in all His ways.  And who never places His personal agenda before you because you are of the utmost importance to Him.  And because God is faithful, He uses difficult situations at times, causing you to be still, so He can produce a good work inside you even during a stormy season.  He’s God.  The Eternal One.  The Great I Am who never refuses to show up on your behalf.  He’s a good Daddy who is never too busy for His daughter.  

Pinky promise. 

As I think about all the stormy seasons I’ve had over the years, when surmountable setbacks showed up knocking on my front door barging into my life unwelcomed.  With no invitation, these setbacks brought along stressors that eventually manifested into storm surges where I couldn’t account for time in space because I spent so much time wading in murky waters literal seeking to submerge me. 


I stretch my hand to thy.

I concede. 

Lord, have mercy!                     

While overcoming my second neurological onset, I was frequently being called from my son’s elementary school.  That was a testing season.  A season where God was teaching me patience and durability when Satan was trying His hardest to keep me in love with stubbornness. 

You know.  That spirit that lies and tells you that you don’t have to do this or that.  “Girl, God got you!  Don’t surrender fully.  Stay in love with me.  Chase, your good money.  Keep your excellent benefit.”  What a lie.

Satan is cunning. 

And if my situation couldn’t get any worse.

My son started having issues school. With the gift of talking like his momma, He found himself bringing home countless notes. He too needed attention that I couldn’t give him, and his teachers, unfortunately, didn’t have time either.

Please don’t misunderstand my love for teachers because I too have taught in the public and higher education arena for years.  But during this period of surmountable hardships facing me at every corner, I needed grace from every person who was able and willing to see my plight: spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.  And as life would have it, Satan wasn’t letting up with the spiritual attacks.  Daily the teacher would send notes, or the Assistant Principal would call.  As I lie in bed trying to recover, I remember thinking to myself, Jesus, how much more can one person endure. 

Every day, the phone would ring with my son’s teacher on the other end complaining of him talking during instructional time, touching the walls when he was supposed to keep his hands in his pockets as they walked to the cafeteria or extracurricular activity.  Mind you, he was only in second grade when my health issues started.   During this critical season of recovery, I was on edge.  Crying over every little mishap.    No money coming in.  Literally.  Bills mounting.  My little second grader seeing his mother in bed disabled: unable to walk, talk, or memorize my name on a good day.  All the while my eleventh grader trying to run our home, working part-time helping to make ends meet, and attending school full-time. 

My son went from having a strong mother, who multitasked like nobody’s business to a disabled mother needing him to interpret my gibberish because my speech was incoherent, or I would forget the simplest of words to complete one minor thought. 

I won’t lie.  I hated my new life.  And, yes!  I’m admitting that I thought God had placed me on punishment and had forgotten me.  Each day was a daunting task. From the room spinning as I crawled to the restroom and feeling pitiful for myself.  

I felt like a prisoner in my own body at thirty-five years old.  Standing for a short period of time became tiresome.  Walking from my bed to the restroom caused so much swelling in my right knee until I was forced to wear flip-flops, a knee brace, and use a cane for years. 



Chronic pain.

Refusal to answer my call.

          So many Broken promises.

All I could think about was why God would let me recover from a broken, shameful divorce years earlier only for seven years later to bring me to this pit stop.  That’s where the scripture “Be still, and know that I am God,” Psalm 46:10, NIV spoke to my heart.  God never forsook me.   Instead, He held me up high with his righteous right hand…never letting me fall or forgetting the promise.

That’s not called punishment.

That’s showing loving and gifting me another chance to repent and live right.

During that shattered season of brokenness, it may have felt like God rejected me, but He didn’t.  Even when I couldn’t feel Him or see Him on most days, He was still silently… 

working on my patience.

working on my forgiveness.

working on my obedience.

working on my faithfulness.

working on my total surrender.

Let’s look at the story of Hannah, The prophet Samuel’s mother.  1 Samuel 1:2 (NIV) says, “He Elkanah had two wives; one was called Hannah and the other Peninnah.  Peninnah had children, but Hannah had none.”  Hannah was barren; infertile.  She was unable to produce the one thing she desired the most–children.  Instead of God stepping in quickly to redeem Hannah in her barren situation or brutal treatment from Peninnah, He is silent.  Some unbelievers may even make the statement that God abandoned her when she needed Him the most. 

But I want to refute that faulty thinking.

His silence at the time meant the Eternal One was waiting to see how Hannah, just like you, are going to handle your season of promise.  No matter her pain, Hannah was forced to not only trust God but surrender totally.  Her surrender even meant making God a vow.  Hannah was so desperate for motherhood, her pain caused her to pray on another level.  And through total submission, she was able to find peace after rendering her burdens entirely to God. 

As you go through difficult times, God steps in conforming those of you who feel as if you’re losing hope.  His workmanship is evolutionary.  Yet, many of you, just like me, have felt cheated when you don’t see the full manifestation of your promise when facing tough times.  Even though you can’t see it your purpose, you must believe that your blessing is manifesting.  If you’re going to believe Christ’s message of hope, you must learn how to embrace the message of Christ that all things are possible for those who believe even when what you had hoped for hasn’t materialized, yet.  Luke 6:43-45 (NIV) talks about a tree and its fruit.  The scripture notes,

“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bears good fruit.  Each tree is recognized by its own fruit.  A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

So, I ask…

 What words are coming out of your mouth?

What promise or promises have you made God?

Have you kept your promise or promises?  

As I continue to clean up after the storm, God has forced me to declutter my life.  You know.  The junk I acquired over the years.  The sins blocking my blessings.  Living faithfully required me to set order not only in my temple but also my home.  No matter how hard the enemy tried to sideline me when it seemed life was spinning out of control, order was crucial, not only to my recovery but for my children’s comeback.  Luke 13:9 (NIV) reminds us that “If it bears fruit next year, fine!  If not, then cut it down.”  Guess what?  If you continuously refuse to let go of certain parts of your life that no longer “add” value but only “subtract” from where God is taking you, you may need to rethink God’s promises for your life. 

Me fighting daily with my second grader to listen while in class, keep his little hands in his pockets and not touch the walls on his way to the cafeteria or special activities, not sit on his legs while at his desk, contain himself from blurting out answers was becoming problematic to my recovery process.  I couldn’t handle additional stress.  And because his school was not equipped to handle the season of stressors we faced as a family, no fault of theirs, I had to make other educational arrangements to accommodate his needs, so I wouldn’t provoke an onset solicited by stress.

If you continuously refuse to let go of certain parts of your life that no longer “add” value but only “subtract” from where God is taking you, you need to rethink God’s promises for your life.

Birthing purpose means sometimes being irritated but I had to learn how to meditate on God’s Word.  Meditating on God’s Word controls the lies of the enemy.  Just like me, God has promised you many blessings.  Don’t allow the enemy to steal your joy.  Mary didn’t even when Joseph didn’t understand what was happening around him. 

Learn from my lesson.

Learn from Hannah’s gief.


Are you ready to manifest your miracle?  Are you ready for a higher level of anointing?   Are you ready for a divine breakthrough?   Hannah was ready and so are you.  She didn’t care about the process being challenging.  All she cared about was the end reward conceiving a baby.  No matter what level you’re on in terms of spiritually, you must create a mindset and environment that will open the floodgates of heaven and elevate you to the next level.   1 Samuel 1:10-11 (NIV) says,

“In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly.  And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

Hannah was tired of receiving a double portion from her husband out of pity.  I can’t fathom her watching others give birth to their dreams all the while not able to conceive and birth the one dream she held so dare to her heart-motherhood.  Who wants to be pitted?  No one!  That’s why Christ died on the cross so He could intercede to the Father on your behalf.  Hannah was desperate for a change.  And because she was ready to strip herself of believing she was pitiful, she activated a shift in the atmosphere causing her a renewal to take place not only in her mind but heart.  At that moment as she cried in the temple, God was working the possible, as He felt her compassion… not only in the spiritual but also in the physical.  She was willing to let go of her old thinking that she would never bear a child and she was determined to see God work an extraordinary miracle in her life.

1 Samuel 1:12-13 (NIV) states, “As she kept on praying onto the Lord, Eli observed her mouth.  Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard.”  Hannah had tapped into an intimate place of worship.  1 Samuel 1:13-14 (NIV) goes on to explain that “Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, How long are you going to stay drunk?  Put away your wine.”  Isn’t it ironic when you’re in the process of travailing, no matter how hard you’re fighting to conceive, after being told countless times you’re infertile, the temperament and language of certain people as you focus on manifesting your breakthrough?  Eli had no clue the pain Hannah was in, or why she worshiped with such intensity.  I can only imagine him sitting, watching her in judgment.  Even though she looked drunken as she worshiped God in lowliness, Hannah encountered countless entities inside and outside her family who acted as…




Just like you expect God to keep His promise, honor your promise.  Stand bold for God.  Continue to grow in grace as you swaddle and take comfort in the knowledge of The Living word.  And no matter the size or length of your test, jump over each hurdle, and land gracefully on both feet.  Refuse to fall asleep and grow weary in doing well.  Lead bold and courageously!  Remember, Our Lord Savior will fiercely clear the path of everything standing before you that selfishly keeps you from carrying out His will.  Amen.


Categories: Emotions


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